Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
