so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
