Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
