you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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