how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
