I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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