you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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