Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is my gift to your gina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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