I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
