omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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