Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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