i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
