just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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