im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
