The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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