mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
