Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
