After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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