i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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