I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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