You smell like a Billy Joel song
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
