Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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