i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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