we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
