He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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