oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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