man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
