i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
