he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
