I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
