i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
