Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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