we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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