You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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