Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
