I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
