would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
