some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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