you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
