In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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