i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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