Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
