i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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