how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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