I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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