I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
