I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
