A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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