I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
