i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
