Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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