Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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