You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
