and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
