apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
