I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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