Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
