my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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