So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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