The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize