If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
