alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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